Tangents Stories

City Council launches ‘Please don’t riot before December’ initiative

Charlotte, NC — The Charlotte Uprising movement was dealt a serious blow yesterday when prominent leader Bradley “B-Rad” Johnson was not allowed to attend a rally, and was instead ordered by his mom to stay home and clean his room. “I don’t care if all of your friends are going to be there,” said Johnson’s mother, Beverly Johnson. “I’m sure that if all of your friends were going to jump off a cliff, you’d do that, too. You’re staying home and cleaning your room. It looks like an anarchist lives

Trump to grace cover of Sports Illustrate swimsuit issue

Washington, DC — President Donald Trump surprised even his own staff today by signing an executive order declaring himself the cover model for this year’s Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. “It makes absolute sense to me,” said Trump. “I’ve had an incredible year. I’ve been on the cover of every other important magazine in the world. Time, Newsweek, Der Spiegel. There’s only one other magazine that matters in reaching the American people, so that is why today, I am signing this order, declaring

Charlotte Uprising leader told to stop shouting, clean room

Charlotte, NC — The Charlotte Uprising movement was dealt a serious blow yesterday when prominent leader Bradley “B-Rad” Johnson was not allowed to attend a rally, and was instead ordered by his mom to stay home and clean his room.  “I don’t care if all of your friends are going to be there,” said Johnson’s mother, Beverly Johnson. “I’m sure that if all of your friends were going to jump off a cliff, you’d do that, too. You’re staying home and cleaning your room. It looks like an anarchist